Anti-Tobacco Lobbyists Consider Banning Cold Weather

This week Anti-Tobacco groups such as Truth.com teamed up with Congress to begin talks on what they see as Big Tobacco's greatest advertisement to youth - Cold Weather.
For as long as there has been tobacco, children in sub-40 degree weather have been pretending to blow out cigarette smoke using visible water vapor in the cold air.

Rep. Steven Hatch (D) had this to say at the session: "Cold air is obviously one of Big Tobacco's inventions to once again subvert the impressionable minds of our youth. This is Joe the Camel all over again. We must make a stand for our children!" Murmurs of assent followed.

Kids pretending to smoke in the cold weather is the number one cause of smoking as adults, numerous studies say. A recent double blind study conducted by the WHO showed that as many as 8 out of every 10 kids has pantomimed blowing cigarette smoke while waiting for their school buses.

Many congressmen believe that the answer lies in doing away with cold weather.
Al Gore, former Vice President, but now best known for his anti-global warming movie, has already started efforts to accelerate the process of global warming. Thursday he urged all Americans to leave their refrigerators open and to use aerosol hairspray like it was "going out of style." Stock of Aqua-Net soared to an all-time high.

More news as this develops.

The Top 3 Worst Places to Get Injured.

Yeah, lots of places would suck to get injured. Like, oh I don't know, the brain or the heart. Yeah you might die. But these injuries somehow seem worse, more vile. It's hard to explain but we all know what I'm talking about. The top three places - Drumroll- are :

Face-
The face is instinctively the first thing we cover when trying to avoid harm. This is the reason that boxers keep their dukes up, women wear makeup, and Johnny Depp is 43 and still has 18 year old girls that want to bang him. The face is very important for vanity reasons, and also, the eyes are up there. That would completely suck if you got stabbed in the eyes.

The rest of the face is equally scary, because you might become disfigured like Rocky Dennis in "Mask". Too obscure? How about like Mel Gibson in The Man Without a Face? Ok good.

Unless the injury gives you a cool scar, in which case, bonus points!!!

+5

Neck-

The neck is a very bad place to get injured because you aren't exactly sure where the jugular vein is, but you know it's very probable that you just got slashed in it.

Protect ya neck.

Everyone is sure that the neck is kinda important, but think about getting shot in the leg, arms, stomach, and neck. Which is worse? Right, the neck.

The neck has all those important tubes running down it...and candy...and stuff. Look I'm not a Anatomy nerd and anyways this secretly goes back to the inborn fear we all have of Vampires anyways.


Junk-
Admit it, men, just thinking about this makes you sick as hell. Imagine the scene in "Stand By Me" where Gordy (Wil Wheaton!!!) pulls the leeches out from his junk then passes out. Then imagine that, instead of leeches, you just got stabbed in the junk. Blood, and other fluids, would be pouring out. And what are those other fluids!? That's what really concerns me. You probably need those to technically still be a man.


Hey Ace stop! I heard that leeches get
mad when you point at them!

Holy Fuck look at the size of those leeches gnawing on Ace's junk!

Bizarre Fetish of the Month

A Sneezing Fetish.

Sneeze Fetish Forum

This forum is dedicated to people who get turned on by sneezes, stifled or not. Anything approximating a sneeze can sometimes trigger the excitement response. It all depends on the person.

Before you think this is a very esoteric fetish with not many participants, here are the forum titles and amount of posts :

• Sneeze Fetish Boards
• General Discussion (12719 posts)
• • Kudos! (1250 posts) (Note : Kudos is where they give props to people based on whether or not they like their sneezes.)
    
  • Share and Share Alike (273 posts)
• Observations, Stories, & Art (3368 posts)
• • Observations (30539 posts)
  • Stories (11489 posts)
  • Artwork (5519 posts)
• Sneezing in the Media (7288 posts)
• Trading Post (534 posts)
• Related Fetishes (2394 posts)
• • Obs, Stories and Artwork (556 posts)

Some sample posts :

1. gf caught another cold (4 replies)
2. For those who only like to hear sneezing from (15 replies)
3. Sneeziest April (74 replies)
4. Sneezing while making out? (54 replies)
5. people who REALLY hate sneezing (15 replies)
6. Who do you think says, "bless you" more? (17 replies)
7. Heterosexual but same gender sneezes really get you going?? (58 replies)
8. Gesundheit or Bless You? (42 replies)

That's correct, 42 replies debating the relative merits of saying Gesundheit vs. Bless you.

A picture posted under the 'Artwork' forum:
Sample Post :

My boyfriend JUST sneezed on the phone
May 10 2007, 12:08 AM

My poor boyfriend (6'3", army build, short blonde hair, long and slender nose - just to give y'all a mental picture) was on the phone with me while he went to go pick up pizzas for his family.

He was somehow managing to carry three pizza boxes and a 2-liter of soda while still talking to me. But as he headed back out to his truck, I heard him start to take deeper, quicker breaths and then before I knew it he let out a single wet sneeze that he later said almost had him bent completely over at the waist because it was so strong.

"That was almost very bad for the pizzas," he said instantly, sounding slightly stuffy from the sneeze. He's such a babe. Just had to share.

Sample response :

wow. great obs =D. and the phone/ holding pizzas? priceless =D



This website is a great look into the minds of fetishists and how strange the human brain can be. Most of them have to hide their fetish for fear of being labeled weird. Most of you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that all you have to hide is your hentai porn collection somewhere on your C: drive.

Something I'll Never Get used to as Long as I Live

Plunging toilets. I hate it. The whole process is just disgusting and degrading. Everyone experiences that 'Oh Shit' moment when you flush a toilet and it doesn't go down. For some reason you think to yourself - Well if I just wait for the water to go down and flush it again it might go down this time. This line of thinking is pure delusion and has no basis in reality. It never works, no matter how hard you mentally will it to.

SO you break out the plunger. Plungers are nasty. One of the most horrid items that we willingly keep in our houses is a plunger. If someone forced you to either drink bleach or lick a plunger, most of us would have to think long and hard about it. The bleach would most likely kill you...but that plunger is so nasty...it might be worth it to just die.

SO, Some of the stale nasty poop water from the previous plunge is always hanging out in the plunger. You have to be careful not to drip any on the floor or, even worse, your shoes or pants. You do that balancing act until you get it into the toilet again.

And the plunging itself is simply horrible. It's one of the most traumatic things to look at ever. I usually turn my head and try not to look. Everything gets stirred around in some sort of Devil Stew. It's probably similar to seeing your mother bang three guys at the same time.

AND, No matter how well the plunger is designed, it always drips some water out when you put it back. Poop water. But at that point you don't care much anymore. You just thank God it's over and you can get back to sending people the 2 girls 1 cup video via email.

Hospital Offers Liposuction While Mothers are Giving Birth.

A California Hospital is now offering Liposuction to mothers that are giving birth via C-Sections. The decision was made when one enterprising doctor, Roger Lennon, suggested that mothers need not be insecure about their new scars and weight gain.

Lennon had this to say : "New mothers, especially after they have gained approximately 30 pounds, are very prone to postpartum depression, sometimes because of the way they look. We give the mothers the opportunity to have liposuction for C-Section births during the same time that they give birth. The thinking is - hey, we already made the incision, lets suck out some fat while we are in there."

The same hospital is planning next summer to offer free tanning beds and peticures while new mothers are in recovery.

Recession so Bad NASA Cannot Fake Another Moon Landing.

Middle Class Americans and Automakers aren't the only ones tightening their belts in this recession. NASA announced Monday that their funding has been cut back so severely that the next faked moon landing will have to be canceled.
Spokesperson Nancy Bridges on the matter: "While this was not exactly unexpected for those of us in the know, I'm sure that this announcement has shocked many Americans. It just goes to show that we, too, are vulnerable to this global recession. We cannot afford to hire a digital effects staff to make the fake moon landing look real enough to fool the Russians. Hopefully within three years we can launch another fake shuttle from the safety of our Hollywood studio."

Also cut at NASA -
- The Committee of Old Men who look at Pictures of Stars and Pretend that there is a New Undiscovered Planet in there.
- Money spent trying to make sure the phrase "It ain't exactly Rocket Science" stays popular.
- Money spent trying to get David Bowie to agree to let them use "Space Oddity" as their theme song.
- Funding for assassins to kill Steven Hawking.
- Legal team trying to sue Fight Club author over use of the term "Space Monkeys" has been disbanded.
- Tang cutbacks.