Recession so Bad NASA Cannot Fake Another Moon Landing.

Middle Class Americans and Automakers aren't the only ones tightening their belts in this recession. NASA announced Monday that their funding has been cut back so severely that the next faked moon landing will have to be canceled.
Spokesperson Nancy Bridges on the matter: "While this was not exactly unexpected for those of us in the know, I'm sure that this announcement has shocked many Americans. It just goes to show that we, too, are vulnerable to this global recession. We cannot afford to hire a digital effects staff to make the fake moon landing look real enough to fool the Russians. Hopefully within three years we can launch another fake shuttle from the safety of our Hollywood studio."

Also cut at NASA -
- The Committee of Old Men who look at Pictures of Stars and Pretend that there is a New Undiscovered Planet in there.
- Money spent trying to make sure the phrase "It ain't exactly Rocket Science" stays popular.
- Money spent trying to get David Bowie to agree to let them use "Space Oddity" as their theme song.
- Funding for assassins to kill Steven Hawking.
- Legal team trying to sue Fight Club author over use of the term "Space Monkeys" has been disbanded.
- Tang cutbacks.

Man Caught Impersonating Police Impersonates Judge, Sets Self Free.

Tuesday a Brooklyn man accused of impersonating a police officer has pulled another fast one on the justice system. Reginald Scarletto, 37, was arrested February 27th on charges that he was impersonating a police officer to pull people over for speeding, then letting them go if they paid him 35 dollars.

Scarletto was released on bond until his court date. This Tuesday, he apparently dressed up as the judge and dismissed all charges against himself. The real judge for the case was later found to be eating lunch when this occured. He was told via telephone that that there would be no cases today due to a courtroom flood.

Scarletto is still on the run and should be considered armed and dangerous. He is between 5'11" and 6'5", with red or blonde or brown hair, a beard, or not, and was last seen wearing fake Groucho Marx glasses, nose, and mustache combo. If you see him, or someone dressed like Snidely Whiplash, call police immedietly.