My Job is Better Than Yours.

me

Its true. My job is better than yours. You cannot even hope to compare. Honestly. You can't. So stop trying.

Don't believe me?
Let's run through a checklist. See how many of these things you have at your crappy job.

- Decent pay.
- Free Health Care.
- 4 Days off a week.
- 40+ Hours a week.
- No boss but yourself.
- Do whatever the hell you want for about 6 hours per shift.
- Entertaining work stories.
- Your job makes the ladies melt.
- Free (albeit crappy) Food.
- Play Basketball, pool, etc.


Nope I'm not making this up. My job has all this. Any guesses as to what I do?

nope

That was a dumb guess. Actually I work third shift at a Residential Treatment Center for at-risk youth. Yes, I work at a Boys' home for kids with ADHD, ODD, Depression, Bi-polar, FAS, Schizophrenia, MR, legal, economic, and parental issues.

What I do when I get into work is hang with the kids for a bit, then they go to sleep around 9:30 P.M. They are on so many meds that they never wake up, so I have approximately 6-7 hours to do whatever the hell I want.

Lets go over each item on my checklist piece by piece to see how yours compares, shall we?

Decent Pay - Yes I get paid pretty well to sit on my ass. Will this job make me rich? No. It's Human Services. But I could be out breaking my back working construction somewhere.

Free Health Care/Four Days Off a Week/40+ Hours a Week - Do I really need to explain this to you crap-jobbers? (Yes, you are now crap-jobbers.)

No Boss But Yourself - I'm alone on my shift. My boss is never there. Ever. And even if he was, he is a pretty cool guy. He has to be cool, he gave me this easy job.

maybe my boss

Do Whatever the Hell You Want - While the kids are asleep you have one responsibility - check on them every 15 minutes and log this. Usually I don't check on them. I'm too busy playing video games on my laptop. Or sleeping. I can feel you getting jealous now. Or maybe even mad. That's ok if you think I'm a horrible person. I sometimes feel the same way. That feeling usually passes as I get another level on World of Warcraft.

Entertaining Work Stories - Pretty much every day one of the kids at my work does something crazy. Examples : Pooping down their Vent, Trying to jump out of their window, Trying to tear a cast off their arm that they recieved from punching walls, etc. I could go on for days. You are pretty much the life of the party when people ask you what you do for work. Plus, you get to meet some of the coolest kids this side of that one fat kid with that one shirt.

something like that

Your Job Makes the Ladies Melt- Between the entertaining stories and the fact that you work with kids, women cannot resist the combination of male sensitivity and pure kickass-itude. You are like a combination of the Jonas Brothers and Arnold Schwartzenegger.Let's go Dutch

Free Food - Yes, it's state food. It's usually BAD. But it's free. Three days out of the week I have no food cost. In this economy, that's about as good as anyone can get without being an oil tycoon. And I can drink as much Kool-Aid as I want.
I drink it up!

Play Basketball, Pool, etc. - When the kids are awake I simply play board games, card games, pool, or basketball with them. I have to say I'm pretty kick-ass at Sorry now. And my fade-away Jumper has never been better. My favorite thing is to rub it in their faces.

If people think of their perfect job, I'm willing to bet that most people's would look like mine. Why, I have so much time during on my 4 days off that I'm pursuing another degree. In this economy, what else could anyone possibly hope for? I can't top the There Will Be Blood picture so I will end this post on that note.

**Disclaimer. While I actually do have an awesome job, this post was made entirely for purposes of satire. I do perform my job duties while I am there and no kids were harmed the making of this awesome post.**
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The Best Video Game You've Never Heard Of.

Destiny of an Emperor

Hey folks, pretty much if you haven't played this game, you are like Carrot Top: you probably aren't alive. But ask your friends right now...Ask ten friends right now if they have played this game. I bet not a single one has played it and maybe 1/10 has heard of it. You do have 10 friends don't you? Go ahead I'll wait... because this game may well be one of the top 10 Nintendo games ever. What? They haven't heard of it? Well then, get ready to get your face smashed, Han Dynasty style!

When people think about the best RPGs on the Nintendo, people throw around Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior all the time. Are they great games? Yep. Do they stand the test of time? Sure. Do they have a brother that they keep chained to the furnace in the basement that nobody knows about? You betcha!

Yes, it looks just like that.

That brother is Capcom's 1989 masterpiece Destiny of an Emperor. It is a very rare RPG -both in the sense that it is hard to find and that it is actually fun to play.

Not pictured: Mr. Miyagi

The game is based, very loosely, on historical events, as well as some fictionalized accounts said history. I know that sounds about as interesting as "Articles of the Constitution- the Game!" and it's sequel , "The Bill of Rights- Extra Rights Edition," but it turns out that some pretty awesome stuff happened in Chinese history.

Not a real game.

Basically you and your homies meet up and try to help some Chinese historical figures unite China under a single banner. At least that's what Wikipedia says. Anyways, the best part about this game-along with the very deep plot and level of customization- are the battles. Since it is an old school RPG, you have to expect some battles and some grinding to level. Never has this been more fun than in Destiny of an Emperor.

You meet up on the battlefield in random encounters face to face with the enemy. You have the option of choosing everyone's actions one by one (ala Final Fantasy) or you can choose the "All-Out" option where they just duke it out with the enemy super-fast like. The All-Out option is a godsend. If your heroes are more powerful (and they usually are) you will win, albeit with less HP than if you did turn-by-turn battles. It eliminates much of the tedium of level grinding that you see so much in RPGs.








Pictured : Bandit Force.

As you can see in the picture, you also have a bar-graph representation of HP. It may not seem like much of a thing, but the bar graph pretty much kicks ass. It's very satisfying to see an enemy's graph get slashed in half from one attack. Not to mention when your graph becomes very long... Erm. Anyways.

There is also magic to be used, although here they call it "Tactics". Magic is very crucial toward the end of the game. If you don't master the magic system you will be hard pressed to complete the game. Not that it's hard, but it is slightly more involved than simply picking a spell out of your menu.



Money Shot

You see, you have to recruit generals. You don't start off with the same people that you end the game with. During the course of the game, you will most likely have 25-30 different party members, most of which you have to convince to join you. You accomplish this task the same way you accomplish tasks in the real world: you bribe people.

Once your party evolves enough, you get some bona-fide badass generals and weapons. The plot and story is of the highest quality I can remember on the NES. The plot is intruiging and you actually care about the characters. This game is just awesome. If you are a fan of RPGs, classic video games, or just great video games in general, pick yourself up an emulator and a ROM, get some beers, and play this great game.








You broke my heart Lu Bu. Never again!

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