My Job is Better Than Yours.

me

Its true. My job is better than yours. You cannot even hope to compare. Honestly. You can't. So stop trying.

Don't believe me?
Let's run through a checklist. See how many of these things you have at your crappy job.

- Decent pay.
- Free Health Care.
- 4 Days off a week.
- 40+ Hours a week.
- No boss but yourself.
- Do whatever the hell you want for about 6 hours per shift.
- Entertaining work stories.
- Your job makes the ladies melt.
- Free (albeit crappy) Food.
- Play Basketball, pool, etc.


Nope I'm not making this up. My job has all this. Any guesses as to what I do?

nope

That was a dumb guess. Actually I work third shift at a Residential Treatment Center for at-risk youth. Yes, I work at a Boys' home for kids with ADHD, ODD, Depression, Bi-polar, FAS, Schizophrenia, MR, legal, economic, and parental issues.

What I do when I get into work is hang with the kids for a bit, then they go to sleep around 9:30 P.M. They are on so many meds that they never wake up, so I have approximately 6-7 hours to do whatever the hell I want.

Lets go over each item on my checklist piece by piece to see how yours compares, shall we?

Decent Pay - Yes I get paid pretty well to sit on my ass. Will this job make me rich? No. It's Human Services. But I could be out breaking my back working construction somewhere.

Free Health Care/Four Days Off a Week/40+ Hours a Week - Do I really need to explain this to you crap-jobbers? (Yes, you are now crap-jobbers.)

No Boss But Yourself - I'm alone on my shift. My boss is never there. Ever. And even if he was, he is a pretty cool guy. He has to be cool, he gave me this easy job.

maybe my boss

Do Whatever the Hell You Want - While the kids are asleep you have one responsibility - check on them every 15 minutes and log this. Usually I don't check on them. I'm too busy playing video games on my laptop. Or sleeping. I can feel you getting jealous now. Or maybe even mad. That's ok if you think I'm a horrible person. I sometimes feel the same way. That feeling usually passes as I get another level on World of Warcraft.

Entertaining Work Stories - Pretty much every day one of the kids at my work does something crazy. Examples : Pooping down their Vent, Trying to jump out of their window, Trying to tear a cast off their arm that they recieved from punching walls, etc. I could go on for days. You are pretty much the life of the party when people ask you what you do for work. Plus, you get to meet some of the coolest kids this side of that one fat kid with that one shirt.

something like that

Your Job Makes the Ladies Melt- Between the entertaining stories and the fact that you work with kids, women cannot resist the combination of male sensitivity and pure kickass-itude. You are like a combination of the Jonas Brothers and Arnold Schwartzenegger.Let's go Dutch

Free Food - Yes, it's state food. It's usually BAD. But it's free. Three days out of the week I have no food cost. In this economy, that's about as good as anyone can get without being an oil tycoon. And I can drink as much Kool-Aid as I want.
I drink it up!

Play Basketball, Pool, etc. - When the kids are awake I simply play board games, card games, pool, or basketball with them. I have to say I'm pretty kick-ass at Sorry now. And my fade-away Jumper has never been better. My favorite thing is to rub it in their faces.

If people think of their perfect job, I'm willing to bet that most people's would look like mine. Why, I have so much time during on my 4 days off that I'm pursuing another degree. In this economy, what else could anyone possibly hope for? I can't top the There Will Be Blood picture so I will end this post on that note.

**Disclaimer. While I actually do have an awesome job, this post was made entirely for purposes of satire. I do perform my job duties while I am there and no kids were harmed the making of this awesome post.**
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